+++A Real Blood Junkie+++

bored as hell

2009-01-21T03:09:09Z

soooo im home lol, i was home since sunday night, but been busy partying. first sober night in almost a week, so i figured i would post.
the weekend was awesome, got to see a lot of people i haven't seen in ages, which was good. got to meet new people, which was also good, and i got reallllly fucked up, which was awesome lol
monday i got trashed again, which is always fun
and now im just doing a lot of thinking, trying sort my shit out and figure out the mess i call a life. mad fun haha, fuck this shit

long time

2009-01-16T15:36:48Z

long time since the last post
things have been a roller coaster lately. i dont know what im doing or who i can trust. im sick of being lied to, im sick of being played like im some kind of fool. i wish people could just say what they really think, and i know i should do the same, even though it would fuck up a lot of shit. there is one person i should probably "confront" and i say that because i dont think it would be just talking. i cant control my anger lately. mood swings, random freak outs on people who prob dont deserve it, when i could be taking my anger out on people who do, depression, fuck this shit. i need to do what makes me happy, even though sometimes that isnt the best decision.
dreams have been really fucked up lately. dont like sleeping anymore just because of them. the dreams have ruined sleep for me! they are all usually about the same two people, or at least focus on them alot. all playing off my insecurities. the problem is i dont know if im being paranoid or if im just a complete fucking idiot and am ignoring shit. i dont know anymore...
been talking to julie alot more lately, going to her place for her boyfriends birthday until sunday, cant fuckin wait. just want to get out of wayne and leave everything behind for a few days, and get so fucked up that i dont give a shit about whats going on here.
my problem is that i care too much, get too attached, read too much into things, over think a situation, over react, and in the end just end up depressing myself and thinking everyone is out to get me

therealmessiah @ 2007-09-05T21:26:00

2007-09-06T01:30:02Z

school starts tomarow :(
at least i got lunch with mariella and lauren, thats good
almost everything else sucks for school, lol
summer went way to fast
its gonna depressing
at least its senior year biatch

dead

2007-05-10T23:32:02Z

so im getting really fucking tired of my head. im getting tired of being in pain. i dont know why, but tonite my head has hurt more than it has in a while. im sick of not being able to be in the heat because of the pain it causes. i cant stand it anymore. i want things to go back to the way they were before the pain, not like i can really remember what that feels like, its been over a year of straight death. i just want to stop worrying and thinking about it and having that feeling in the back of my head. i want to be fucking normal like everyone else.
iv also been having really wierd dreams lately, wierder than i would normally have. some fucked up shit. i guess iv just had alot on my mind lately, i dont know
this heat will be the death of me

R.I.P. Claudia - 4/14/07

2007-04-18T21:37:38Z

so this week has sucked so far. a friend died a saterday and the wake/funeral were pretty upsetting. alot of people have been getting on my nerves lately. idk. im just happy iv had mariella cause i really needed her the past couple of days.

fleas and ticks on the same dog

2007-04-14T02:14:18Z

things have been insane lately. my head has sucked. i hate that shit that the shit doctors put you through. they dont actually give a shit about you, they just want your money. its such bull if they give off a caring impression or anything. or even a smart impression in some cases. i dont know how some of them get to the places they are being so stupid. i just want everything to end, it all to be over and stop killing my life and making things harder for everyone else.

therealmessiah @ 2007-03-24T19:55:00

2007-03-24T23:57:40Z

just made one of these because my xanga had to be deleted.... fun shit